Fruit Bats and Other Tales of Love

This is probably the first and last time you'll ever see me give a shit about whether a relationship works out or not, but i really want to see Pam and Tommy end up together in the end. These crazy kids have been through a whole lot together: from the kids, to the porno, to the illeged abuse, to the Hep C (or Hep B, i'm not sure which they have, but it's something they share.)
Pam Anderson is one of my favorite celebrities because she's unabashedly fake, and doesn't pretend otherwise. When i somehow manage to make enough money to afford all the plastic surgery i want i'm just going to bring Pammy's pic into the doctor's office and say "Let's do this thing." Also, she wrote a reoccurring article in Jane Magazine for a while that i rather enjoyed. This was before i realized that Jane is a magazine for hipster chicks that are pretending they're not lesbians and for rich chicks that like to buy wicked expensive clothes with holes and stains on them in order to pretend they're hister chicks that are pretending they're not lesbian. BUT I DIGRESS... I realize that Pam's article was most likely penned by one of the lesbos on staff at Jane, but i really liked her moxy.
Tommy is one of those guys that's so ugly he's actually really fucking hot. I really can't put my finger on what makes him so attractive. I've always really like tattoos. And he seems like he drinks a lot, which has always appealed to this genteel lady. I also think it might be that deep down he seems like the type of guy that just got all wrapped up in this big rock and roll life, and doesn't really know how it all happened.

Awesome. I think drug/drink-addled morons are hot. My mom is sitting in her room at the asylum clapping her hands wildly , and she's not really sure why. (Note: This opinion of Tommy i have created from what i saw of their short-lived reality series. I CLEARLY have no fucking idea what he's like. He's just hot. Same holds true for Pam. They're probably both total assholes.)

At any rate i hope these two eventually realize that they're made for each other and live in a huge house in Malibu with their nipple piercings and their big floppy hats. Also, this is probably the best plan to prevent the further spread of Hep C (or B). Also, from what i've heard of T. Lee's proportions Pam's most likely ruined for other men forever anyway. (Yeah, gross, whatever. You've all thought it.) Especially that weenie Kid Rock. I submit he's hung like a fruit bat. That just got out of a cold pool.